Forgotten Much!

Wow, So I realize I havent updated this thing in a long time! I just changed the background because I think that lanterns suit it better trying to get that asian feel on my western blog. Ok well, lots of stuff has gone down. Let's see, the house that we had been building out in the countryside was finished in august and so we moved in. Then not long after our basement flooded which really sucked because we had to haul everything upstairs. (Well not me of course ;) ) but my brothers/dad, I just heard it was a pain in the butt. But since then we've gotten pretty settled into our house however I would never think of this place as home. Its nice and all but its just canada is for shure not my homeland, no offence to Canadians. Reasons, 1) Americans are NOT liked in Canada and although they are known to be the friendliest people on earth they do a darn good job of showing their hate. 2) Its friken freezing for 3/4 of the year here, there is no way EVER that wimpy little me could call something so rigidly cold my homeland 3) Its just not ok, because for some reason I cant connect with the people here at all especially in the small farm town we are living in. All I can say is Country kids and International kids don't see eye to eye. Although country kids dont even try to open their eyes, they'd rather get stoned and sleep...maybe that's the problem. (Not all country kids are like that, thats just my general opinion of the small town folk where I live..)

A beach in Cebu, Philppenes 2008

 

note to self never date guys who dissapoint you. as in cancel plans last minute and show up an hour late. never agian.

Rest Day

For me today was I rest day I got out of bed only to get food and new movies and the rest of the day, i slept and watched movies on my laptop, sometimes it just feels good to be really lazy ya know, although now however its 2am and im not tired..cuz i slept during the afternoon. and that kinda sucks so yeah.
Movies I watched today:
Wizards of Waverly Place Movie - Cheesy
2 Seasons of 2 and a half men - Funny!
All about Steve - Worst movie ever made!

Ok I watched this movie called all about steve because the actors in it are pretty good, like sandra bullok and that hot old guy with the blue eyes who is also in the HANGOVER. anyways..its so stupid, in the begining i thought it was about some girl with disabilities but its not. There is not point to it. First you think its a comedye then you think its a love story but in the end there is no story.. Dont watch this movie ever it really sucks.

Complaining About Parents

In My Mind: Although I really like writing it gets kind of boring, I mean I’m a really good writer. Not bragging just stating facts but like if I took journalism, any kind, I would feel empty inside. First of all honestly how much do writers get paid, not a lot? How many writers become famous, barely any. Ever since I was little my mom and dad have really been encouraging the writing thing, because as they say I’m so creative. I kind of feel brainwashed because growing up all I have been doing is artsy things, it’s like they have indirectly chosen a path that I should take in life. I wish they would support me when I told them that I wanted to do something else. The past times that I tried telling my parents that I didn’t want to do journalism they just laugh and be like “ha-ha you’re funny! Your great at writing it’s what you do, or you’re so creative, and artsy why wouldn’t you do something that you’re good at...Blah blah blah”. It like guilt trip from there on out, I start to think about why I second guessed my parents choice for me, I mean they know me the best right? Then from that thought I start to think about my future. This is a really big topic to think about, so here is what is on my mind right now.
Ok so my thoughts about myself I like writing because I am really good at it. But I’d really like to discover something instead of either making things up for a non fiction novel or just restating and explaining things that someone else already discovered. You know what I mean? Take space for instance that is something I’m really interested in because there is so much room for discovery! Honestly and secretly I love watching documentaries about space. Wow, ok I do realize that just sounded really nerdy but its interesting, ha-ha!
I honestly have no clue why I like space so much. I’m not one of those star wars alien obsessing people ha-ha, Im actually quite the opposite! I’ve only seen one star wars movie you know the recent one where the hot guy turns evil, yea that one! Ha-ha! Even a little kid I used to be really afraid of space and the idea of not knowing. Although now its so thrilling to me! I just wish my parents could just like not judge me because of my past intrests and limit me to certain thing because of the way I look or act.

I totally just forgot what I was gonna say... ill finish this complaining thing later

If you know something bad is going to happen to you and its something inevitable and it was going to change your life forever would you want to think about it? I mean seriously would you really want to think about something bad instead of just ignoring it until it comes. OK so I know what people usually say they are like you have to think about it and understand the situation or else you are going to be unprepared when it comes. Well maybe that just it though! I mean its coming real soon I know that! But if I start to think about it, like how my life will be w/o certain people in it. And how I am probably never going to see some certain people ever again.. makes me really dang sad. I also know what people usually say is to focus on the positive things. Seriously though how do you even do that without looking at the negative aspects of it. Like today at dinner, mmkay first of all I haven't actually sat down at a dinner table with my family and ate for around umm 6 months. Yes I know..that is sad. Anywhoo I haven't been thinking about this thing at all and their it was the main subject up for discussion. Also with her my mom had brought some papers with calenders on them (..great!). Another thing, I hate dates. Not dates like to the movie dates but like set dates for certain things. This is also probably why I am so unorganized! I hate scheduling out my life. Seriously If you are trying to avoid thinking about it then you dont need the exact date staring up at you, that just makes everything so much worse!

For example: you have a dog that you've had your whole life and you love your dog (or any pet of your liking)soo much! Although Its really old and has back problems and stuff know and you know its going to pass on soon. Seriously, isn't knowing enough! Because then you can be happy until it happens. You can spend your last months or days playing with your dog (you dont know the timing cuz you have no specific date of when its going to happen)
SERIOUSLY
isnt that soo much better then the vet telling you a specific date that your dog is going to die on. Once you know the specific date, its as if nothing matters anymore. Its like you can try all you want to be happy and spend your last moments together with your dog but its all fake and forced. Because no matter what your always going to be thinking about that date, what will happen, what will you do, how will you react. How are you supposed to spend your last moments together happy if your thinking about all that stuff!

I think that thinking about things will prepare in a way. It will make you depressed before it even happens so then after it happens your on take of depression is not as heavy as it could have been.

So here is my situation; So I know I am moving. I know thanks to my mom the specific date of it now. When I am free and all my friends are busy the more time i spend alone with my family and the more I get depressed. This is because the main topic of discussion is moving/packing, and just being alone with them just shows me what its going to be like when i move. I will be alone with my family...fun. I avoid thinking about moving at what ever cost possible. I even start doing things that make no sense because I'm moving, seriously why would I start something when I'm about to leave. Its just going to make me get hurt even more, but wtv I want to start it so its started the end. So now I am just really scared, because the date is so close and I just realized that I haven't realized that iam actually moving. Which sucks because now I am starting too although writing this helped i supposed. and To you that are still reading this i probably just confused the heck out of you with my random spazzmatic thoughts.
Ok i shall stop writing now and try to study
which is also really hard cuz i wanna talk to doug on skype :P

Last Night was amazing :)
well except for the limited time, my dad dropping us off and picking us up and the awkward question :P
I loved being with you and the awkward guy Hahah :)
But the movie Shrek in 3D hmm not the best... I wouldnt recommend seeing it.
It has no real importance in the story line of all the movies,
just a flash back in time of what would have happened
if shrek had not saved Fiona. Personally I didnt really like this at all because
there was no point whats-so-ever. Nothing was really gained except for moral.
Kinda a worthless movie.. more that i think about it i really hated it. The only thing that was kinda cool what that you could feel the feelings of shrek, I could especially feel his annoyance but maybe that was because I was annoyed at the movie for being pointless -_- But besides that good night :) x -D