If you know something bad is going to happen to you and its something inevitable and it was going to change your life forever would you want to think about it? I mean seriously would you really want to think about something bad instead of just ignoring it until it comes. OK so I know what people usually say they are like you have to think about it and understand the situation or else you are going to be unprepared when it comes. Well maybe that just it though! I mean its coming real soon I know that! But if I start to think about it, like how my life will be w/o certain people in it. And how I am probably never going to see some certain people ever again.. makes me really dang sad. I also know what people usually say is to focus on the positive things. Seriously though how do you even do that without looking at the negative aspects of it. Like today at dinner, mmkay first of all I haven't actually sat down at a dinner table with my family and ate for around umm 6 months. Yes I know..that is sad. Anywhoo I haven't been thinking about this thing at all and their it was the main subject up for discussion. Also with her my mom had brought some papers with calenders on them (..great!). Another thing, I hate dates. Not dates like to the movie dates but like set dates for certain things. This is also probably why I am so unorganized! I hate scheduling out my life. Seriously If you are trying to avoid thinking about it then you dont need the exact date staring up at you, that just makes everything so much worse!

For example: you have a dog that you've had your whole life and you love your dog (or any pet of your liking)soo much! Although Its really old and has back problems and stuff know and you know its going to pass on soon. Seriously, isn't knowing enough! Because then you can be happy until it happens. You can spend your last months or days playing with your dog (you dont know the timing cuz you have no specific date of when its going to happen)
SERIOUSLY
isnt that soo much better then the vet telling you a specific date that your dog is going to die on. Once you know the specific date, its as if nothing matters anymore. Its like you can try all you want to be happy and spend your last moments together with your dog but its all fake and forced. Because no matter what your always going to be thinking about that date, what will happen, what will you do, how will you react. How are you supposed to spend your last moments together happy if your thinking about all that stuff!

I think that thinking about things will prepare in a way. It will make you depressed before it even happens so then after it happens your on take of depression is not as heavy as it could have been.

So here is my situation; So I know I am moving. I know thanks to my mom the specific date of it now. When I am free and all my friends are busy the more time i spend alone with my family and the more I get depressed. This is because the main topic of discussion is moving/packing, and just being alone with them just shows me what its going to be like when i move. I will be alone with my family...fun. I avoid thinking about moving at what ever cost possible. I even start doing things that make no sense because I'm moving, seriously why would I start something when I'm about to leave. Its just going to make me get hurt even more, but wtv I want to start it so its started the end. So now I am just really scared, because the date is so close and I just realized that I haven't realized that iam actually moving. Which sucks because now I am starting too although writing this helped i supposed. and To you that are still reading this i probably just confused the heck out of you with my random spazzmatic thoughts.
Ok i shall stop writing now and try to study
which is also really hard cuz i wanna talk to doug on skype :P